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It is believed astrology got its start in ancient Mesopotamia. This complex means of gaining insight into personality and behavior has just as much validity now as it did then. Precisely as much validity. Here are some horoscopes we'd like to see.

Aries
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19
Now is the time for adventure. See if you can figure out a way to make "wasting your life" feel like an "adventure."
 
Those born under the sign of Taurus thrive on affection. No, that doesn't include your own palm.
Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20
 
Gemini
May 21 - Jun. 21
Let your individuality shine. It will make you a more obvious target for snipers.
   
Cancers sometimes fall into a rut. Try something new, like bathing more than once a week!
Cancer
Jun. 22 - Jul. 22
   
Leo
Jul. 23 - Aug. 22
Leo is generous. If you consider giving someone TB "generous."
   
Your leadership skills are stronger than usual. So is your breath.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
   
Libra
Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Your occasional indecision can cause you harm. Incidentally, so can slamming a sexual organ in the door of the fridge.
 
You are very intense, strong willed, and secretive. Bottom line?
Nobody's picking you as the person they'd most like to be stranded
with on a deserted island.
Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
   
Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Sagittarius can lack concentration. Sagittarius can lack concentration.
In fact, it's likely Sagittarius
probably thinks that sentence
only appeared once.
 
Friends applaud your control. Enemies applaud the fact that your tattoo artist is a drunk
and terrible speller.
Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
   
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
Your sign's element is air. It's that stuff you pass and then blame it on the dog.
   
Pisces is an excellent host or hostess. That's a neat trick, probably involving Pisces having both the male and female sexual organs.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

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