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You Know You're
Getting Old When...

You know you're getting old when...

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You can go bowling without drinking.

Your top three favorite pastimes involve sleep.

The fire department is asked to attend your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.

Medicare says you're too old for their coverage.

You can't be tried by a jury of your peers because there are none.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.

A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.

You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style have come back in style.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

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