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Things NOT to Say During Sex

Sex is one of the most intimate, personal things two (or more) people can share. Here are some things to NOT say during that occasionally intimate act.

I hope you don't expect a raise for this.

Hurry up, the game's about to start.

Are you trying to be funny?

You're almost as good as my ex.

Is that smell coming from you?

Haven't you ever done this before?

You're so much like your sister.

What's your name again?

A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time.

Can we order a pizza?

Smile for the camera!

I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

Hold on, let me change the channel.

But you just started!

How much do I owe you?

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Stop moaning, you sound stupid.
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I'm still looking for your good side.

Is it in yet?

You're fogging up the windshield.

Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

On second thought, let's turn out the lights.

Your best friend does this much better.

Stop moaning, you sound stupid.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat?

Don't make that face at me.

I hope you're as good looking when I'm sober.

Your mother's hot. Can you fix us up?

Just use your finger, it's bigger.

Can you hold this sandwich for me?

You're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.

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I hope you're as good looking when I'm sober.
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I really hate women who actually think sex means something.

You woke me up for that?

We'll try again later when you can satisfy me, too.

If you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can.

And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner.

I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker.

Want to see me take out my glass eye?

Is it O.K. if I tell my friends about this?

Hurry up, I'm late for a date.

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate.

Maybe you're just out of practice.

Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.

Of course I don't love you.

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