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Actual Newspaper Headlines

We're big fans of humor drawn from real life. We've culled through newspapers to find real headlines sure to help us forget that we're unlikely to ever get this black ink off of our fingers.

Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men

Infertility Unlikely to be Passed On

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear

Here's How You Can Lick Doberman's Leg Sores

Lack of Brains Hinders Research

Sausage Lands Grandmother in Jail

Chef Finds New Game as Rat Exterminator

Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday

How to Combat That Feeling of Helplessness With Illegal Drugs

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find

Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency

Chicken Banned From Crossing the Road

Falling Limb Injures Man at Golf Championship

Suspect: Bombs Not Meant to Harm

NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach

Boy Who Drowned Couldn't Swim

Cemetery Faces Grave Problems Over Space

Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold as Pet Fish

Physicist Recommends Bigger Balls to Slow Down Male Tennis Players

Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly

Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden

Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-Free

Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

War Dims Hope for Peace

Man Tries Armed Robbery with Knife in Gun Store

Plot to Kill Officer Had Vicious Side

More Real Headlines

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