By Scott Roeben
This show isn't just a staple of American television, it's also a guidebook for sensible living. Here's what we've learned from "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Stay away from kids trying to hit a piñata.
If you're wearing a wedding dress, never try to ride a horse.
An acronym doesn't always have to contain a letter for each word in the thing for which it is an acronym.
Grandpa's pants are, in all likelihood, ill-fitting.
Homemade bike ramps should only be used by, well, nobody.
Babies sometimes fall asleep while sitting up.
Many beams are lower than you'd think.
If you touch a dog in a certain place, they bare their teeth and growl in an amusing way.
People are sometimes startled when they're woken up from a nap by loud noises.
If you shoot enough video, somebody, somewhere is eventually going to make a basket from half-court.
The tree you cut down is going to fall in a direction you didn't expect.
Before using a barbell, make sure the weights are secured on both sides.
Kids getting hit in the face, not funny. Kids getting hit in the face on video, funny.
Noses and parrots are natural enemies. Same goes for lizards.
Children aren't always respectful when it comes to not pulling off a relative's toupee at a family gathering.
Most swings have weight limits that are less than you'd suspect.
Cats can be clumsy, especially when they're around TVs.
Many people think you'll call your significant other the wrong name during the heat of passion, but we all know it will probably happen during your wedding ceremony.
Baseballs like testicles.
When it comes to backyard trampolines, "What goes up, must end up with a contusion."
Llamas spitting is not an urban myth.
The walls of many aboveground swimming pools appear to be made of a material similar to rice paper.
The false teeth of many elderly people aren't affixed properly.
Birthday cakes and wobbly tables don't mix. It should also be noted that birthday cakes have the inexplicable ability to attract the human face like a magnet.
Pets don't really talk, but sometimes it sounds like it.
Nothing good can come from pogo sticks.
Lifting someone over your head while dancing intoxicated could lead to an unfortunate, albeit humorous, accident.
Many Christmas trees stands aren't made to withstand the weight of the tree and a person.
Everything, yes everything, is funnier when accompanied by a wacky sound effect.
Any host of "America's Funniest Home Videos" is likely to be the most bland, unfunny individual ever to appear on television.
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