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Fat Jokes

Written by Scott Roeben

Obesity is no laughing matter. Teasing fat people, however, can be pretty amusing. Here are some exclusive taunts sure to endear you to the "horizontally challenged."

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You know you're too fat when your floors buckle, but your belts won't.
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You know you're too fat when your floors buckle, but your belts won't.

Fat? When he was in school, they had to transport his lunch money by armored car.

Fat? Tuna fishermen use her old nylons to pull in their catch. (Now you know why they're called "fishnet stockings.")

We went to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and 30 guys tried to tie tow ropes to her.

Fat? I don't know many other women who consider a feed bag a fashion accessory.

He's touched more cookies than a Keebler elf.

She took a correspondence course in aerobics.

Fat? When he gets 8x10s of himself, they mean feet.

The woman washes her face in the Amazon Basin.

Fat? Wish I could have been there when he was born. I've never seen a stork with a herniated disk.

He's not "fat," he just has an extensive "fat cell collection."

He's always been fat. When he grew out of his baby clothes, his parents used them as car covers.

Fat? When she gets upset, it's considered "mass hysteria."

Vandals keep spray painting greyhounds on her sides.

Fat? Doctors use him as a visual aid at cellulite lectures.

She's fat. Her biggest fear isn't muggers, it's poachers.

They want her to pose for the centerfold of the next issue of Cattlemen's Quarterly.

She's always been fat. One of her bracelets started the Hula-Hoop craze.

He can legally use the carpool lane, even when he travels alone.

Fat? She doesn't use elevators. They lower the building.

In his case, "throwing his weight around" could end up being a capital offense.

Oh, go hug a fat guy in a steamroom.

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Fat? Even when she's alone you can lose her in a crowd.
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Fat? The guy carbo-loads for telethons.

Heavy? He looks like he's been drinking lots of "Low Milk Fat."

Fat? He got upset because his dentist wouldn't give him fillings. Of course, he wanted apple, creme, cherry...

Fat? She's been stuck to more chairs than used bubble gum.

When he takes a nude midnight swim, they call it "Fatty Dipping."

Fat? Even when she's alone you can lose her in a crowd.

Her facial blotters all have the Sealy label sewn into them.

Fat? During elections, no matter which party he votes with, they're always in the majority.

He is fat. He heard "God helps those who help themselves," and ever since then he's been helping himself!

Fat? He's the only guy I know who actually likes to eat his words.

Fat? During sex, she would call out the name of a condiment.

She claims she just comes from a family of big bones. Look, a member of the stegosaurus family wouldn't have bones that big.

Why do fat men make the best prisoners? They'll never make a narrow escape.

Fat? He has more pounds than the London Mint.

Fat? When he was born, they smashed a bottle of champagne against his side.

Scott Roeben. All rights reserved.


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